Reviews @ PXDCO

We both know who killed our dad.The True Life Story of the Scandalous Darling Family is being broadcast all over syndicated television, even at breakfast. Turns out the Darlings are hunkering down at the Imperial, where Patrick’s kids are cluing him into the fact that other kids gossip, and they all think their dad killed their mom. (Jeremy and Karen respond, respectively, this way: a bug-eyed “Dude!” and “This is why I’m never having kids,” accompanied by a lazy pointed finger.) Patrick tells his spawn that it was an accident, and even the police say so! The TV show transitions us from the Imperial to Brian, who’s waiting for the board as he listens to the news that Darling stock has literally fallen. That and all the others.

Nick’s holding a press conference to announce that he and the family have selected a slick defense attorney named Terry Deramian to represent Letitia. Dude wears a bolo tie, so we shouldn’t expect much from him. Nick’s asked if, given the fact that his dad’s dead and Letitia may have done it, he believes in the Darling curse. He probably does, but he won’t say so to the press. Lisa’s watching at home, and she thinks Nick looks cute on TV. Nick says he should see her in high-def (I do! He needs a haircut!). He’s got Mayor Bloomberg on the line, promising to come to Ellen’s memorial; Nick thinks he’ll probably skip it like everyone else anyway. He tells Ellen that the family’s going to be a wreck, so he’ll have to do a lot of hand-holding. She asks who’ll hold his hand, and he tells her that, given Jeremy’s fondness for the Georges, maybe he’ll volunteer. Lisa thought Nick forgave her for that. He has, but he says forgiveness isn’t amnesia and he’s not going to forget it so quickly. He and Lauren Conrad should join a “forgive and forget” club. They would have the cutest tee shirts. Lisa’s way of proving she’s “in this marriage for the long haul” is to have another kid. Because that is always a recipe for success and happiness. Nick says they’ll talk about it after he’s helped the Darlings figure out the entertainment for the memorial. Lisa’s amazed, yet again, at the Darlings’ audacious reliance on Nick, and surprised that they haven’t asked him to defend Tish.

Cut to Tripp telling Brian that’s exactly what he wants. Apparently Bolo is a ringer. Brian asks Tripp if he really expects Nick to defend the woman who killed his dad—and Brian’s dad!, he says!—in court. Tripp reminds Brian that Tish is his mother, and she didn’t do it, and she’s not going to jail. “What jury could possibly convict her if she’s being defended by the victim’s son?” Tripp muses. He asks what the board said, and Brian says they want Tripp to appoint someone Tish’s successor (she’s vice chairperson). Tripp doesn’t want to, but he thinks it might help stabilize the stock until Tish gets off. Brian thinks Tripp is pretty optimistic. He is, but it hinges on Nick taking the case.

Lucy Liu leaves Jeremy to do his Walk of Shame (is it the next day? Wasn’t he just having breakfast with the fam?) because she has to go to work. She tells him he’s a superhero. They mack, and she tells him that whatever happens, their time together has been real and she likes him a lot, she really does. Jeremy wants to know what that means, and Lucy just tells him she has to go.

Family summit, at which Jeremy suggests they get Elton John to sing "Candle in the Wind" for Ellen, since he’ll do it for practically anyone. Nick asks Patrick if Ellen liked anyone’s music in particular. Kenny G, he says. Karen, Bloody Mary in hand, enthuses, “That is soooo Ellen.” Nick will make the call. Tripp and Brian join the others, and Tripp tells them he needs a new vice chair. “I’m your father. I have an equal and unperishable love for each of you, I’m not capable of making that decision,” he says. So he’s going to ask Nick to do it. Nick’s face: “For REAL?”

Simon has gifted Karen a necklace made of green cheerios. He thinks she should take Tish’s spot. Karen says that Nick doesn’t see her as capable of making decisions; to him, she is a “silly rich girl who doesn’t know what she wants.” With a pretty smoking bod, too. Every week I remember that I totally want to be Natalie Zea. Simon says that’s not what he sees. Karen wonders who else he’ll pick: Patrick’s running for Senate and doesn’t have a head for business, Jeremy is a “pile of goo,” Juliet’s on an island somewhere, and Brian isn’t even Tripp’s son. And Karen, Simon says, has an MBA from Columbia. She agrees with him. “And look at me!” she says. She has an epiphany all over her face that it ought to be her.

Jeremy, after ascertaining that Nick is not going to punch him again, asks about the trial stuff, and we learn that Lucy Liu’s name on the show is Nola Lyons, the fricking DA. She pretends not to know Jeremy and flirts with Nick about how hard she’s going to kick his ass.

Tish is fully outfitted in her orange jumpsuit for her bail hearing. Bolo, it turns out, may not have filed his out-of-state lawyering papers, so Tripp forces Nick to stand up as supporting local council to ask Tish be released without bail. Nola objects, asking if the rich are above the law. Bail is set at $20M, which the Darlings actually have on hand in dozens of metallic suitcases held by besuited men in black. Awesome.

After, Bolo is all Southern and wondering what happened to his papers. Tish has on a weirdly ruffled black coat as she’s being dragged to a back exit; Tripp thinks it a shame that the only thing that went off without a hitch was a shameless display of their wealth, like he hasn’t rigged this Bolo/Nick thing from start to finish. The back exit is not, as Bolo promised, quiet as church, but mobbed with press. Nick sends Clark to get the car as Tish wails that she just wants to go home.

Nola finds Jeremy waiting for her in her office. She tells him not to be a hater. Jeremy asks if this was a secret plan to get information, but given that she never asked him any questions, that’s unlikely. She says she really does like him, but they are eliminating the dirty sexy part of the relationship.

Tripp tears Bolo a new one and then fires him. Everyone looks at Nick. Brian asks if he’s ready to do this. Nick says it’s not going to happen; it makes them look like they’re all in bed together. He’ll get them a new list of attorneys in the morning. He leaves, Brian follows, and Tish asks Tripp what’s going on. “All will be well, my Darling. Just wait,” he says.

The Brothers George argue. Brian thinks Nick owes them for how they’ve treated him like a prince all his life. Nick, basically: as if! He’s the help. “And oh, yes, on occasion I’m invited to sit at the main table, but that’s just until someone drops their plate and I’m sent to fetch a mop,” he says. Brian says that’s what family is: “We’re all expendable until we’re needed.” Nick says he’s not taking the case now, or ever.

In the Office in the Sky, Tripp asks Patrick about his eulogy for Ellen. It will be a milestone for his political life. Patrick doesn’t really want to capitalize on it, but Tripp says they have to think about who will be best served by this opportunity. Tripp tells him to share the pain of his loss and be a human being. Patrick finds this ironic.

Nick and Nola (hee) confab in the courthouse. She thinks it would be gross if Nick represented Tish. He’s just there to have her released from house arrest for the memorial. Nola says no dice. She wants thanks for catching his dad’s killer, and says that her case is golden: not only does she have information about the affair, a tampered plane, AND a witness. (Who?)

Karen, in a sassy black business suit, is waiting for Nick in his drab office when he returns. She flaunts a little, and he knows that she’s there about the vice chairpersonship. She knows he’s not considering her, but he says he knows about her business experience, her work with the family foundation, and he’s going to think about it carefully. “You’re not going to pick me,” she says. He doesn’t want to pick anyone. She gets in his face and says that if she’d known when she was 10 that flashing him would cost her the company, she would never have done it. She didn’t know him then, and she doesn’t know him now.

She bitches to Simon that he’s never going to pick her because he’ll never see her any differently than he does. Simon offers to talk to him and change his mind, because he knows all of Karen’s many gifts. And he's an evil manipulator.

Patrick’s next to visit Nick, but he doesn’t care about the company. He wants help with the eulogy, since it will cinch him the election. He just doesn’t feel it. Nick reminds him about the two kids they had, so he must feel something. Patrick’s like, remember how she tried to kill me? All he can think about is the missing Carmelita. Nick tells him to write the eulogy about Carmelita but replace her name with Ellen’s. Patrick thinks this is genius. Before he leaves, he asks, “You are going to pick me, right?”

Simon’s waiting for Nick outside. Instead of pulling for Karen, he says that they both know she’s not equipped to help run the company. He stories that Karen asked him to talk to Nick, and they both know how she gets when she wants something. He’s only telling Nick because he promised to talk to him, but he can’t try to sell Nick something he knows Nick won’t buy. Simon takes off, asking Nick not to tell Karen he so blatantly tried to fuck with her head.

Office in the Sky. Nick hands Tripp a folder with his recommendation for the vice chair inside. Tripp reads it and asks, “Really?” Nick thinks that in terms of loyalty, commitment, and brains, that person’s best equipped. Tripp’s sold. My money is on Brian. Or Karen. Definitely Brian. Maybe Karen. Brian!

Ellen’s memorial has some fabulous hats. Patrick paints a rosy picture of his progressive wife. Brian tells a curious Karen that their bro is delirious. Patrick says that though he was born with all advantages, “Ellen” made him feel worth something. And then fricking Kenny G, his hair, and his sax stands up to play “Amazing Grace” before the company. The police pull in, because of course, Tish hasn’t secured the release to be there. Nola basically tells Nick he was a dicksmack to let Ellen come. Some uniforms cuff Tish, which rubs Brian the total wrong way. The press start to swarm, and Nick tells Nola that they’ll catch the police arresting a grieving woman, which gives them a tainted jury pool. Nola thinks instead that people will see a cold-blooded killer with a boundless sense of entitlement. Also, Nola thinks Letitia is a sociopath.

Tish faints. Brian gets even more rowdy. Nola admits that it’s getting “icky,” and she’ll let the whole thing go with a warning. Nick goes to fix things, and Jeremy runs by and tackles Nola to a wall. He tells her that he needs to see her that night, and if she won’t, he’ll go play a little duet with Kenny G about how the DA is sleeping with the defendant’s son. Nola thinks he wouldn’t, but Jeremy says that they did, after all, pay for two songs. Ha! She agrees to give him five minutes.

Nick steps up to the uniforms and explains his deal with Nola. Brian gets mouthy with the cop, telling him to go back to chasing bums. Nick intervenes, and Brian shoves him out of the way to punch the cop. As you do.

Brian and Nick share a cell. Brian asks for a lawyer, but Nick’s not in the mood. Brian: what? I’m arrested and I know how you love coming to our defense. He tells Nick he thinks Nick wants to run the company. He’s been so close to the family all these years without getting the benefits, and now he wants them. Pissed, Nick shouts that he picked Brian. Brian thinks this is crap, but Nick says that even though Brian’s been the black sheep his whole life, he’s still willing to do anything for his family. Even sabotage court documents and get Bolo fired. Oh, snap. (I’m sorry I just said oh, snap.) And, Nick adds, “you’re a total pain in the ass.” That’s what a multibillion dollar corporation needs. Brian quietly asks Nick to take the case. He knows his mother is innocent, and if the only way they can make sure the court thinks that is to have the son of the victim defend her, they should do it. Things like innocent defendants used to matter to Nick, he says. Nick scoffs, but Brian says that they both know who killed their dad: Tripp. I honestly don’t know if I believe that, but I like that the brothers are united.

Nola arrives to let them go, since the officers don’t want to risk their pensions or well-beings against the Darlings. Brian leaves, but Nick has to goad Nola. She says he’s not the Darling he wants. He says he’s not a Darling. “Aren’t you?” she asks. “Come on. You’re the Darlingest Darling of them all.”

Patrick picks up his kids, and one of the Doubting Thomas parents tells him that his eulogy changed her mind, and he’ll make a great Senator. Yep. Also: gross.

Nola tells Jeremy that she gets involved with people close to her cases to keep them interesting, but she can’t risk losing the case by continuing to have awesome hot sex with him. Jeremy does his seduction thing where he talks sweet and soft and then gets dirty. Nola caves.

Simon and Karen take a bath. Simon lies about making a dispassionate case for Karen to Nick. Simon doesn’t think he was that interested in what he had to say; he lies that he talked to Nick for an hour. Karen knows he’s not going to pick her. Simon assures her that Nick doesn’t take her as seriously as he does, which is what she wanted to hear all along, so she is charmed. Bad things are going to happen to this girl.

Tripp and Nick talk about the announcement of Brian’s succession. Nick suddenly announces that he’ll take the case. Tripp asked why he changed his mind. Nick: “We both know she didn’t do it. And besides, Tripp. We’re family.” Perhaps Tripp has meet his crafty match?

Lisa has a job interview, and so she can be passive-aggressive about not having her guilt baby. Nick tells her he took the case. He says it’s because she’s innocent. Lisa thinks it’s because he can’t say no to the Darlings. Nick seriously tells her that he knows what he’s doing and asks her to have faith in him.

Tripp congratulates Brian on convincing Nick to take the case. Tripp is impressed. “There are good things ahead for you. Don’t doubt it,” he says. He’s going to screw over this poor boy, I just know it.

Tripp holds his press conference. Karen has on a gorgeous pink dress and Simon’s green-cheerio necklace. Tripp talks about how talented the candidates are, and how much he loves them all. But the board asked for a leader and decision maker, and they are thrilled with who they chose. He introduces the new chair… Brian’s halfway out of his chair when Tripp gives the name: Nick George. Nick looks like he just dropped a load in his pants. Karen, annoyed, gets a text: “It should have been you.” Nick approaches, and Tripp shakes his hand. “You’re the guy,” he says. Brian looks slightly pained. Nick can’t say anything.

At a reception at the Imperial, Karen asks Brian if he knew. Brian says he thought Tripp would pick him. Karen laughs. She thinks Lisa must be thrilled. Brian: yeah, Tripp’s a regular sunshine man. Nick extricates himself from a conversation to talk with his thrilled wife, telling her she looks beautiful. He insists he didn’t know. Lisa asks if he thinks it’s because he took the case, but he doesn’t know. He and Tripp are supposed to sit and talk, but they haven’t had the chance. Lisa asks if this is what he wants. Nick says he never thought about it until now, but it’s not so bad. He thinks she was right about the baby, but Lisa doesn’t think it’s a good idea anymore. Only when it’s her guilt that needs assuaging, I guess. Tripp summons him, and Nick tells Lisa before he leaves that he’d like to keep talking about it. He follows Tripp into another room, and the door swings shut behind him, Lisa on the outside.