True Blood: Sparks Fly Out (Episode 105)

RIP, Gran

When we last left Sookie, our heroine just watched Bill mindrape a cop and got a shocking lesson on how her vampire boyfriend is not a "big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth." Bill pulls up to Stackhouse Manor and tries to justify his actions to an angry Sookie but she gets him to admit that if she hadn't been there Bill would've bitten the cop. He thinks she should stop being afraid of everything she doesn't understand and, seriously? Has he met Sookie? This is a tiny blonde girl who saved his ass from being drained by two very mean rednecks. Fear is something she could probably use a little more of. She coldly informs him that she can see herself to the door and, stung, Bill snots back that he won't call on her again. In the woods, the friendly neighborhood watchdog is, er, watching. And he falls more on the "creepy" rather than "friendly" side just now.

Credits. So, do y'all know that Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are dating? Let's hope it works out better than the Jennifer Garner/Michael Vartan relationship on Alias.

Tara's crush on Jason has caused her to pick up his habit of pounding rudely at someone's door in the middle of the night. It's Lafayette's door and she's there to screech at him for giving V to Jason. "It's like giving twinkies to a diabetic; you know he can't control himself!" Hee. She tells him about the penis-draining at the ER and Lafayette, horrified, apologize, promises to check on Jason, and lets Tara get out of rage and worry by throwing his stuff around.

Gran's making breakfast and dealing with an irate member of the Descendants of the Glorious Dead on the phone. The woman is aghast that Adele invited Bill, that "abomination," to speak at the church and tells Adele that she's going to hell before hanging up. Sookie comes into the kitchen and notes that the phone has been ringing off the hook all morning. Adele doesn't want to worry Sookie and says everyone's "excited" about the meeting. She asks Sookie about her date and Sookie admits she and Bill had a fight and she's finally realized Bill isn't human and may not even have feelings. Adele is dismayed and advises Sookie not to hate him. Sookie insists she doesn't, she just doesn't want to be his girlfriend.

Jason performs a gruesome Show-and-Tell at Lafayette's using a bratwurst and kebab stick. Lafayette shudders but he's more interested in finding out if Jason told anyone where he got the V. Jason assures him that nobody except Tara even knew he was on anything. He whines that Bud Dearborn thinks he's a sex maniac now and Lafayette looks at him like, "Honey, you are." Jason's also concerned about what Tara thinks and Lafayette risks another door-pounding, stuff-throwing episode by informing Jason that Tara's in love with him. Jason is shocked and says that makes it even worse. He pledges to never take V again but all it takes is a pretty speech from Lafayette about the glories of using V correctly to get him to pop a tab of blood in his mouth. Not that it's a newsflash or anything, but Jason am dum.

Merlotte's. Sookie tells Arlene and Sam that she's no longer seeing Bill. Arlene pretends to be sympathetic but mostly she "I told you so"s Sookie. When she leaves, Sam sidles over and asks if Sookie wants to go to the DGD meeting with him and get some coffee after. I was going to say he didn't even wait until the body was cold to move in but it's daylight so I guess he did. While everyone at the bar watches, Sookie agrees to the date and Sam grins adorably. Sookie takes Andy Bellefleur some ketchup and he asks some leading questions about Tara's alleged relationship with Jason, which Sookie disavows. She hears him thinking how "that bitch" Tara lied and tells him to watch his mouth, which makes Andy realize the rumors about her are true. Sookie skedaddles into the back to find Tara, who has already heard about the date with Sam. Sookie thinks Tara's personal life is a more interesting topic of conversation and asks about what Andy said. Tara said she gave Jason an alibi because she knows he's innocent, as does Sookie. sookie asks if there's anything else and Tara insists there isn't, but when Sookie tries to listen to her thoughts all she can hear is Tara shouting, "LALALALALALALALA!" Heh. The girls squabble over Sookie's nosiness and, piqued, Sookie returns to Andy's table and lies badly that Tara and Jason are in a secret relationship. Andy knows she's lying and thinks Sookie can't read him if he doesn't look her in the eye, but she snaps that she can still hear him and he should have the guts to call her a liar to her face.

Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting. Bill sits in the back and his vampire hearing allows him to hear everything that's going on – Hoyt Foytenberry and his mom trying to remove the giant cross in case Bill "sizzles like fatback bacon," Adele assuring nervous attendees that Bill is a perfect gentleman, Sookie arriving with Sam, etc. He looks conflicted and anxious and like he's really going to need that hug coming later on. Sookie and Sam join Tara, who bitterly watches as a Confederate flag is hoisted. Three rednecks come in and make it obvious that they plan to cause trouble. And bringing his own inevitable albeit unplanned trouble, Jason arrives, high on V and seeing Tara in a whole new light.

Adele introduces Bill to a smattering of unenthusiastic applause. He immediately goes over to the cross, which Hoyt and his mama have covered with the American flag, and removes the flag. Everyone gasps but nothing happens and after Bill puts the flag back on its pole, he jokes that he obviously didn't burst into flames. There are some nervous giggles, the tension has been effectively defused, and Bill gets on with his speech. After some pointed comments about vampires and humans co-existing peacefully, he goes on to share his experiences during the Civil War. Bud makes a crack about how long Bill has been killing but Andy, whose cousin Terry killed in the Iraq War, doesn't think that makes Bill guilty of the crimes. The three rednecks get out some garlic and snigger, but Bill just ignores them. Jason is high and looks turned on, as per usual. I probably need to get a macro for that. One elderly man wants to know if Bill knew his great-grandfather and Bill says he did and was there when the man's ancestor died. As Bill tells the story we get a flashback to Confederate Bill, who was understandably not as pasty. Terry is affected by Bill's story because of that whole universal "war is hell" thing. The mayor shows Bill an old photograph he found and Bill is overcome when he sees his human self with his family. He says he last saw them when he went off to war and he became a vampire before he could see them again. Rene wonders why he couldn't see them after he became a vampire and Bill says it wasn't possible but doesn't elaborate. Overwhelmed, he takes a moment to collect himself and wipe away a bloody tear before taking more questions. Stephen Moyer was all kinds of awesome in that scene.

At the reception after the meeting, Terry approaches Bill and gives him that hug he was needing. They agree that none of the other Bon Temps residents can understand what it's like being in a war. Hoyt and his mama take a picture with Bill, after being assured that he won't disappear on film. Sookie brings Sam over and she compliments him on his talk but Bill is more interested in playing the "who's got the bigger dick?" game with Sam. Sookie sees where this is going and pulls Sam away before the fangs really come out, so to speak.

Merlotte's. Jason is hanging out with Rene and Hoyt when his attention, such as it is, is caught by Tara. She looks like a goddess to his V-enhanced senses and he heads over to the bar to declare his undying devotion. She knows he's high again and tells him to come talk to her when he's sober, but she weakens when he begs for a chance and fondles her hand.

Sam and Sookie are enjoying their coffee date and Sam says Sookie must've known he was going to ask her out, but she insists she was surprised. He tells her again that she has his permission to read his mind and she says she's tried but he's difficult to read because his thoughts aren't like everyone else's. She calls him mysterious and asks why nobody knows anything about him. He brushes off her questions and jokes that he opened a bar to meet pretty waitresses. She says he got a couple of crazy ones in the bargain but Sam sincerely tells her that there's nothing about her that needs changing or fixing. She knows he's trying to get on her good side and it's working.

Merlotte's. Arlene tells Lafayette that the rednecks from the DGD meeting sent back their food because they didn't want "AIDS burgers." Lafayette carefully removes his earrings and apron and heads out to deliver a righteous smackdown to the rednecks, both verbally and physically. After making all three of them his bitches, he cheerfully tells them to tip their waitress and returns to the kitchen. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little hot for Lafayette right now.

Sookie and Sam leave the coffee shop and Sam says he's glad she can't really hear his thoughts because if she did she would know he plans to kiss the hell out of her. Which he does, pressing her against his truck. She's into it but wants him to slow down a little, since this is all coming so soon after kicking Bill to the curb. Sam goes to an unfortunate creepy Nice Guy place and grills her about what she did with Bill then uses his bigger size to intimidate her while saying he'll do anything to protect her. He says vampires can turn on anyone and Sookie points out that he's doing a pretty good job of that himself, before telling him that she'll be taking a cab home. Sam doesn't help matters when he calls her stupid and orders her to get in the car. This show is so weird, y'all. I love show Bill even though I think book Bill is Mayor McBoring of Dullsville, and I adore book Sam but show Sam is kind of an asshole and only saved from being dead to me by the fact that Sam Trammell is so hot. My world is askew.

Merlotte's. Hoyt goes to talk to some skank who is looking for fun after getting divorced, but when Hoyt returns to table he tells Jason and Rene that he's not sure if he'll accept her invitation to go home because he didn't feel that spark. Naturally, Jason and Rene tease him relentlessly, and it doesn't help when Hoyt orders a bottle of Tru Blood to see what it's like and gags at the taste. Jason says V is where it's at and Hoyt should take some if he really wants to score with the skank. No insult to Hoyt, who is adorable, but I'm thinking she doesn't need any incentive other than "has a penis" to hook up. Well, and breathing, as we see when Hoyt holds up his Tru Blood to the skank, who turns away in disgust thinking he's a vampire.

Bill, caught up in memories of the past, sees a vision of his wife and children sitting on the front porch when he returns home. Before he can work up to a full brood, Andy and Bud approach and want to ask him some questions about the murders. Bill invites them inside, which makes Bud rather nervous but as Adele said, Bill's a perfect gentleman. He even offers them Frescas, which he keeps for human guests. Hee. Andy and Bud ask the usual questions about whether Bill knew the victims, where he was the nights they died, blah blah blah. But Bill cuts right to the chase and asks if the victims were drained, saying no vampire, including him, would leave a fresh corpse full of blood. He doesn't think a vampire killed the women.

After they're gone, Bill's memories overwhelm him again. We flash back to Bill making his way back home after the Confederacy surrendered. He's starving and he breaks into a cottage, where the widow living there almost blows his head off. She feeds him and begins washing the blood off his face but things take an awkward turn when she comes onto him. He gently rebuffs her, insisting he's faithful to his wife, and the widow is surprised that he didn't take advantage of her offer like all the other soldiers she's sheltered. That nobility turns her on even more and she tries to kiss him again, but Bill says it's time he continued his journey. Before he can open the door, she's in front of him and lunges at him with her very pointy teeth. Later, near death, he comes to and sees the dessicated bodies of the men she's killed. She tells Bill that he's different and doesn't deserve to die like they died and tries to make him drink her blood. He resists but when she asks if he wants to see his family again, he succumbs and sucks hungrily at her neck. But it was just a trick; after he's turned he watches his family on the porch of their home and the widow tells him that he can never see his family againm, for their own safety. Confederate Bill sheds a single emo tear of blood while present day Bill rages against his innocent fireplace tools.

Merlotte's. Tara is taking out the trash when she discovers Jason energetically fucking the skank outside behind the dumpsters. When he sees her he invites her to join in.Tara's not really surprised but she's still furious, mostly at herself for wanting to believe Jason was finally into her, and she dumps the garbage on the trash, if you know what I mean.

Sookie arrives home in her cab, still pissed off. She stomps up the stairs but collects herself enough to take off her shoes so she doesn't wake Adele. As she enters the kitchen she slips in something and turns on the light. It's blood, coming from a very dead Adele, who will never, ever mind of Sookie walks through the house in her shoes again. I knew it was coming because I've read the book but it still sucks. Farewell, Gran. You will be missed.