The Biggest Loser Families: NFL Week (Episode 610)

Hey y'all, I'm Annie and I'll be recapping the rest of this season because Christine's husband decided he wanted to see her once in a while. Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard of? I have to confess that I'd never watched a single episode of this show before last week, when I agreed to take over the recapping, so please be patient with me if I get some things mixed up. I will do my best to not let y'all down, especially since this song's theme is the awesome "Proud" by Heather Small, which always makes me think of my beloved Queer As Folk. Wouldn't Michael, Ben, Emmett and Ted make excellent, fun weight loss coaches? Brian, alas, would just laugh and repeatedly call you a fatty and Justin would whine about how bored he is.

At the last elimination, Coleen was sent packing even though Michelle did her best to take Vicky out. Amy, feeling guilty about going against her team the previous week, thought saving Vicky would get her back into the blue team's good graces. She doesn't seem to realize that Vicky kind of hates her in a crazy way. Jillian is disappointed to see Coleen gone but Bob smugly says he expected to see Vicky still there when he arrived to check on the blue team.

Challenge #1: Since it's Thanksgiving week, at least when this airs, Alison arrives wearing a football jersey and says they'll be celebrating the Thanksgiving tradition that doesn't involve giving yourself a tryptophan coma – football. They all head out to the field where former NFL stars Jerry Rice and Steve Young are waiting. Vicky is particularly excited because she loves football. Their challenge this week is to run a football training obstacle course, also called a combine. There are six parts of the course, starting with catching footballs and ending with tackling a dummy. No, not Amy. The winner will get $10,000 to donate to charity. Bah! Stupid Thanksgiving and how it doesn't let you keep the money you rightfully earn by not wiping out while running through ropes.

The remaining six contestants run the course but we don't really get to see much of it, except Vicky mincing slowly through the ropes. When everyone's finished Steve blathers some bullshit about how it was more important to play his best than to beat the other team, like, does anyone actually believe him? In any case, they'll all run the course again to try and beat their previous time. The one who has the best time difference wins. Vicky mutters that she knew it and, sure enough, we flashback to her predicting they'd have to run the course twice. Vicky's a crafty one, that's for sure. She saved some of her energy on the first run so, of course, she ends up beating her original time by a healthy margin over the others and wins. At least she can't keep the money?

Hey, did y'all know Ed is the last guy remaining? And that he feels outnumbered and the underdog? Just in case you forgot, here he is to tell us again. And again. And some more, while also throwing in some sexist crap masquerading as a compliment about how the women are tougher than a lot of men. Shut up, Ed. Shut up a lot. Bob is working with Ed in the gym and says Ed has a lot of work to do, starting with not being a whiny twat. Ed is rather whiny but Bob goes to a scary angry place when Ed stops working out because he needs some water. Maybe Steve Young needs to give Bob a lecture about not letting the competitive spirit send you off your rocker.

Challenge #2: Alison, looking adorable with her hair in pigtails, greets the assembled contestants on the field. It's another football-themed challenge and the game is simple: they'll have footballs launched at them and they can collect them and put them in a box for each player. There are 10 spots in each box and when a player has 10 balls in their box (dirty! …and also anatomically impossible, I'd wager), that player is eliminated. The prize: an all-expenses-paid trip to the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. This one they'd get to keep. Vicky, who reminds us that she loves football, is determined to win. She whispers to the other blue team members to take out Michelle and Renee first. Alison sends them off to get changed into their jerseys, which have their names and the number of how much weight they've lost on them. Michelle likes how much cuter she looks in her jersey now than she would've had when she first arrived. When they're back on the field, Alison tells them that they'll get $500 for each football they actually catch.

And it's on! To get it out of the way quickly, Ed is the only one who catches a football and he jokes about how he feels like Heba has already spent it. As for the actual competition, Vicky's dastardly plan works like a charm. The blue team takes out Michelle and Renee quickly and they two are forced to watch, Michelle in particular seething with fury, while the blue team plays on. Ed's out next although it would've been sooner if crazy vindictive Vicky didn't ignore his last remaining open slot to put a football in Amy's box instead. Amy finally catches a clue that Vicky does not intend to call bygones. After Ed's out, Amy falls next and then it's down to Vicky and Heba. Heba only has one slot left in her box and Vicky catches the next ball, so it's all over. Heba helps a sobbing Vicky over to help her put the last football in Heba's own box. Heba's a total sweetheart so why the hell is she tight with Vicky? Ugh. Anyway, Vicky wins and celebrates, although she proves that she's as dumb as Amy when she gloats that her strategy is to make the others think she isn't a threat. Yeah, I'm sure winning back-to-back challenges is fooling them all.

Michelle and Renee report what happened at the challenge to Jillian, who is furious to hear that the blue team bullied her girls. Now, I know Michelle and Renee were outnumbered but based on what we saw, they really could've tried harder to catch more balls and at least take out one of the blue team before they were eliminated. Renee in particular seemed to give up after Michelle was out. Their loss wasn't entirely not their fault, is all I'm saying. In any case, Jillian rails about how the blue team has a cult mentality and does everything Bob tells them to do rather than accomplishing anything for themselves individually. She vows to keep Michelle and Renee in the competition no matter what.

OMG IT'S ROCCO! Y'all, I love Rocco DiSpirito. The episodes when he guest judges on Top Chef are among my favorites, I was crushed when he was booted from Dancing with the Stars, and I never miss an episode of Rocco Gets Real. I even watched The Restaurant and found ways to justify his epic douchebaggery. He makes me want to write "Annie + Rocco 4EVA!" on my Trapper Keeper. My love for Rocco is pure and true, y'all.

So why is the fabulous Rocco visiting the contestants? Why, to torture them with a delicious-looking Thanksgiving spread right in front of them, of course! He even slowly pours gravy over the turkey for that extra special evilness. Just before they clobber him and dive headfirst into the food, he laughs adorably and says that artery-clogging 10,000 calorie meal isn't for them, but he is going to help them make healthy alternatives. Amy, who may be a dumbass but isn't blind, is just happy to be working with Rocco because she's got a ginormous crush on him. Solidarity, my sister! Rocco teaches them all healthier versions to their favorite Thanksgiving foods and they settle down at the table for a tasty meal. I'm wondering what happened to the original feast. I hope it was donated somewhere. A fat homeless person is better than a starving homeless person, after all. After everyone oohs and ahhs over the food, Rocco raises his glass in a toast and, in the spirit of the holiday, says he's thankful for getting to work with the contestants since he always learns something from them and it teaches him to be a better cook. They go around the table and everyone talks about who and what they're thankful for, which is pretty much their loved ones, although I suspect Vicky is secretly most thankful for her Hawaii trip and that her devil horns don't show through her hair. Just when everyone's gotten a little weepy, Rocco grins charmingly and says they've all got special Thanksgiving videos from home they'll get to watch later, and that really gets the waterworks going. That announcement sadly marks the end of Rocco's appearance in this episode, which gets my waterworks going. No, not really, but I seriously do love him.

Sometime later, the contestants get to watch their videos from home and they're pretty much like every video from home that a reality TV contestant gets. I mean, it's not like someone's kid is going to say, "God, it's been so awesome with you not here!" or something. The phrases "I love you," "I miss you" and "I'm proud of you" are repeated a lot. And, of course, there are copious tears.

But there's no crying in baseball the gym! It's time for the last chance workout and both Jillian and Bob are determined to keep their teams intact. Bob drama queens about there being a weird energy in the gym, clearly not realizing it's Eau de Creepy Fanaticism. Jillian barks at Renee that she doesn't care if Renee vomits up an intestine. She says the only one who will bully Renee and Michelle is her. It's all very intense and, like I said, creepy. Both of them need to CHILLAX.

Weigh-in. Amy's up first and she's been the biggest loser overall but today she's only lost 5 pounds, below her usual numbers. She's disappointed in herself. Heba's lost 7 pounds, Ed's lost 9 pounds, and Vicky's lost 7 pounds. It's down to Renee and Michelle to save themselves and, pitifully, neither of them nor Jillian look optimistic. But turn those frowns upside down, girls, because Renee has lost 8 pounds and Michelle has lost 10 pounds! Percentage-wise, that puts them at the top and it means Amy and Heba are below the yellow line and up for elimination. Bob looks like he just bit into a poo sandwich.

Voting. After Amy and Heba make the typical "please don't send me home" speeches, Alison reminds them that in the event of a tie the person who's lost the least amount of weight this week will go home, which would be Amy. Michelle and Renee vote to boot Heba, Ed and Vicky vote against Amy and since it's a tie, Amy's going home. It sucks that the two most likable people left on the blue team were up for elimination, but Amy pretty much deserves to go after not taking the chance to get rid of Vicky last week. She takes her loss with grace. After she's gone, Alison tells the remaining five contestants that they're headed to New York City for a makeover.

In Amy's post-elimination interview, she says that she was the insecure funny fat girl when she arrived but she's gained a lot of self-confidence while losing the weight. Since she didn't last until the makeover she decides to give herself one and goes shopping at her favorite boutique, where she is overwhelmed by all the cute clothes she can finally fit into. Her homecoming is happy and tearful, with most of the sobbing coming from her adorably proud dad. She says she feels beautiful and it's given her the confidence to pursue her dreams, such as performing the National Anthem at a hockey game. She's continued her weight loss and has gone from a size 22 to a size 8 and her goal is to reach 125 pounds by the finale. Good on ya, Amy. You made a big error with the Vicky situation but you seem like a sweet girl so best of luck.