Reviews @ PXDCO

Okay, so remember back at the beginning of this season of 'Prison Break', I wouldn't shut up about how happy I was to see the show getting back to basics? Well, based upon this week's 'Deal Or No Deal', I'm thinking I might have to start eating my words. I've watched the thing twice now, and I'm STILL not sure what exactly the hell was going on. Let's talk it out, maybe that will help. More Prison Break after the jump…

 

MICHAEL AND CREW - Upon realizing that they've been double-crossed by Don Self, Michael calls up Homeland Security and asks to talk to his boss. Amazing how easily he did that, wasn't it? Did he look them up in the Yellow Pages, too? However, once Sarah tells him that Don probably covered his ass with his DHS bosses, Michael hangs up the phone. Michael realizes that they're alone in this, at least for right now. He then advises the team to leave the warehouse immediately, fearing a sting set up by Self to go into action as soon as he had Scylla. Michael couldn't have been more correct, as right when they leave, Don's boss Agent Stanton and crew move in for the kill. See, Don called Stanton right after he nabbed Scylla and wacked his partner Trishelle/Miriam, and then proceeded to frame Michael and crew for killing her, the slimy little fuck. Michael and Stanton talk for a bit about how Don Self killed her himself, but Stanton's not buying it. Not yet, anyway. In the meantime, though, Stanton makes Michael a deal - come back to the warehouse and turn yourselves in, or he'll hunt them down like animals himself.

 

Michael and crew reconvene at some shitty motel somewhere to try and figure out what to do. Knowing that they can't rely on the DHS for help anymore, they decide to try and flush out Don and Scylla themselves to clear their names and get on with their freakin' lives already. As they talk, the television flashes a news report about a recent shooting at the GATE Corporation. Fearing Gretchen has gone off the rails again and joined up with Don Self to move Scylla to the highest bidder, Mahone suggests they start by finding that lunatic bitch to find out what she knows. Meanwhile, The General is realizing the very same thing - Gretchen may be responsible for a lot of this mess, so he puts out a state-wide Company alert on her immediately. I can only imagine what ridiculous outfit Gretchen will turn up in next to try and get herself out of all this mess. Cheerleader? Snow White? Librarian glasses and a kicky little prom queen updo?

 

However, as we all know, Gretchen got as screwed by Don Self as anyone. While checking out the house that Feng and his gang were holding Self and Trishelle in before they got all shot up, she gets a call from Lincoln. He tells her about Don's double-cross, the two make plans to meet in a park an hour later. However, Gretchen is forced to go see her sister instead when Don calls and says he's got both her and her daughter at gunpoint. She lets slip that she's about to go see the Michael and Lincoln, so Don calls in an anonymous tip to Homeland Security about it so they'll get pinched just for showing up. What a dick. Michael Rappaport, I mean. Don Self I could handle.

 

The sting goes into motion in the park, and in the melee, Lincoln is captured and brought back to the warehouse. They are met there by Senator Dallow and Agent Stanton, and at first, neither one of them are buying Lincoln's story about Don's betrayal. However, upon closer inspection of Don's computer records, they discover a fake identity that Don was going to take on after he had acquired Scylla. Brand-new bank account, credit cards, the works. Senator Dallow apologizes for all the trouble they've had to deal with, and then he makes him a deal - everyone testifies against Self in exchange for total immunity. DHS is sick of this whole Scylla mess in its entirety, he explains, and they're more than ready to put it to bed ASAP. In response, Lincoln calls Michael and tells him what the Senator has offered. Michael comes down to the warehouse, but not before setting Sucre and Sarah up with bus tickets to get them the hell out of town as soon as possible. Michael wants to keep this about him and his brother, and no one else. Sarah's not exactly happy with that decision, however, so despite Michael's request, they head back to the warehouse.

 

When Michael arrives, he agrees to testify against Self in exchange for Senator Dallow's deal, but when push comes to shove, it's yet another double-cross. Agent Stanton's convinced the Senator that Michael and crew aren't worth their time, and that it would be easier to just clean up the mess by killing them instead. Stanton pulls his gun and tells everyone else in the room to leave so he can whack both Michael and Lincoln, but before he can pull the trigger (why can't the bad guys ever just DO what they say they're going to without having to count to five first?), a U.S. Marshal that was just told to leave the room bursts back in and shoots him instead. He then tells Michael and Lincoln that they've got an appointment to keep with his boss, i.e. The General. As they're getting ready to leave, Sucre and Sarah arrive from the bus station, and Sucre busts up the party with a gun he'd apparently hidden in the couch. He overpowers the U.S. Marshal, and Lincoln finishes the job with a bullet to his chest.

 

They confront Senator Dallow about what comes next, but according to him, it's pretty much over. He tells them about a folder sitting over on the conference table that contains all pertinent information about the Scylla project, and when it's destroyed, none of this mess ever happened. You know they're not going to take that option, though - if they did, it puts everyone right back at square one. No, there's going to be much finagling from here on out, and something tells me that that folder is going to play a large part in it. The DHS might be ready to write this whole thing off, but I doubt Michael and Lincoln are. The Senator says there's really not much more he can do, so he leaves.

 

T-BAG, GRETCHEN, AND DON SELF - T-Bag and Gretchen pretty much played the back for this episode, as the real anti-hero was Don Self. Did anyone see his total flip-flop coming at all? Me neither, and I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Over the course of a single episode, he went from Homeland Security savior to double-dealing international con man who thinks nothing of shooting a Federal agent, hiding her body, and then blaming it on some ex-cons who busted their asses to help him out in the first place. His endgame here is obviously to sell Scylla to the highest bidder, and he wants to do it before the end of the day so he can get the hell out of the country before anyone can get on his trail. Gretchen finds him a buyer (with T-Bag providing the muscle, most specifically on Gretchen's sister and daughter), but when Self brings him the Scylla device, they're not happy. Don's stumped as to why they won't accept it, so the buyer points out the big empty spot on the back of Scylla where the missing chip should go. You know, the one Michael swiped and hid in the ceiling of the bathroom back at the warehouse. Don's jaw hits the floor when he learns that Scylla is still not yet complete, so he calls Michael to find out where exactly the hell it is.

 

"Where's the chip, Michael?" says Don.

 

"Come and get it," replies Michael.

 

 

For a guy that doesn't want to go back to Death Row, Lincoln sure as hell doesn't mind popping a cap in a U.S. Marshal's ass and pointing a gun at a Senator whenever he damn well feels like it.

 

The scene where the General shoots Scuderi (you remember him - the guy from Vegas whose dick doesn't work) for talking shit was straight out of 'Kill Bill', wasn't it? 'If any of you sons-a-bitches have anything else to say, NOW'S THE FUCKIN' TIME!' Awesome. Speaking of which, why was Lisa so shocked that her Dad shot somebody? What, so it's perfectly alright for him to lead an above-the-law shadowy organization and for her to take his side as his Darth Maul, but it's not alright for him to cap a motherfucker for running his mouth? Come on. Go watch some Scorsese movies, sweetheart. You might learn something.

 

So the Department of Homeland Security's FIRST clue that Don Self might've been crooked was when they met with Michael and Lincoln and had all of Don's shady deals pointed out to them? Really? Oh no, wait - they suddenly managed to find evidence that Don was setting himself up with a whole new identity. Despite the fact that dumb-ass Don probably did ALL that shit from his work computer, one that should have been under constant surveillance by the DHS the entire time.

 

So where the hell is Mahone? He told Sucre and Sarah that he and Michael "had a plan", but we have no idea what it might be. Hopefully he's somewhere doing something bad-ass. 

 

Are there any government workers out there reading this? If so, tell me - does shit EVER get this complicated and ridiculous? Or does it usually stay more along the lines of 'Office Space', but with nicer suits? For some reason, I'm going with the latter.

 

Please let the crappiness of this episode just be evidence of the season showing a few growing pains as it turns into something else besides a bunch of bald guys chasing a Playstation 3 around downtown Los Angeles. Please? Seriously, I've really enjoyed this season so far, and it kills me to think of it falling back on its Season 3-esque levels of hyper-convolutedness when it clearly doesn't have to.

 

I miss Trishelle.

 

-littlebigmouth.